69 Signs You Live on a Boat
stumbled upon this list
- Sleeping in a house makes you feel claustrophobic because there isn’t a hatch overhead to look at the stars.
- You know smaller is actually sometimes better.
- You find yourself bleeding from random places at random times.
- You and your girlfriend define “taking a break” as moving about six feet apart and looking in opposite directions.
- You avoid telling people you live on a boat just so you don’t have to explain to them how you shower… again.
- You are obsessed with the humidity…indoors.
- You think butter only comes soft
- All of your pots have removable handles.
- When invited to dinner at someone’s house you ask if you can have a shower.
- When invited to dinner at someone’s house you ask if you can do your laundry.
- The doctor assumes your body covered in random bruises is a sign of physical abuse.
- You are the only one who doesn’t want to win the big screen TV at the charity raffle.
- You think CSI is some sort of yacht club racing acronym.
- Kids think you’re the coolest person on earth.
- When you don’t like the neighborhood you just untie and move.
- You are content knowing that sailing is code for boat repair in exotic places.
- You can assemble a gourmet dinner using only one pot and a spork.
- Doing laundry involves a net bag, a moving boat, and 50 feet of line.
- You have to put up an umbrella inside.
- When asked for a piece of scratch paper, you hand them 80 grit.
- You truly don’t want anything for Chistmas that doesn’t come in PDF form or install on a Kindle.
- You only get seasick on land.
- Cardboard boxes, wrappers, and packing foam are thrown away before anything goes to the boat.
- You define a good anchorage as one where you can get WiFi.
- A fifteen minute job always takes and hour and a half since you have to pull everything out of all the storage lockers to find the right part, then the right tool, then put it all back.
- Your wallet contains more boat cards than business cards
- You know what a boat card is.
- When visiting ashore, you wake everbody at daylight screaming “We’re Aground”when you open your eyes and see trees.
- You define an easy chore as one where you only had to pull out 3 tool bags.
- You covet new solar panels more than a new car.
- You can identify boats by the sound of their halyard slapping against their mast.
- Removing things from the refrigerator is like playing Jenga.
- You gave up high heels for flipflops
- You’ve accidently put your life jacket on in a grocery store parking lot out of habit.
- You walk in the rain all the way back to your boat, carrying a backpack, a load of laundry, groceries destined to fall out of their bag at any second… all while thinking how lucky you are.
- Filling the water tanks is a full day’s work.
- The only thing you do religiously on Sundays is wonder what day it is.
- The first thing you do after setting the hook is check to see who you know in the anchorage.
- Cutting the grass means diving over the side.
- You find a sea otter lounging in your cockpit when you get home.
- You think the roof leaking a little is no big deal.
- You wonder why it’s always low tide when taking stuff on or off the boat.
- A warm rum and coke won’t turn your stomach.
- When you try to sleep on land you find you can only sleep in hammock after rocking it.
- You understand and pay attention to the entire weather forecast.
- You spend weekends sitting in your cockpit with a boat hook beside you, waiting to fend off the next rental boat operator.
- You can heat your home with a Bic lighter.
- Every time you consider buying something the main consideration is what you’ll have to get rid of to make room for it.
- When visiting ashore you catch yourself pumping the handle on a faucet.
- You consider a three minute shower luxurious
- You covet your neighbor’s oven more than his wife.
- You measure the length of a shower in terms of quarters
- You know consider a freezer the ultimate luxury.
- You have to strap a bag full of water to your boom & wait a few hours before you can take a shower.
- You’ve sincerely wondered if there are any companies that make triangular bed sheets.
- You know that styrofoam was invented by satan, duct tape by God.
- When trying to register a new bank account or anything to do with government, their computer won’t accept the fact that you don’t have a residental address.
- All of your neighbors have your cellphone number, but only call when they want a weather report or for you to check on their boat.
- You realize previously asinine Jimmy Buffet songs have started to carry a deep philosophical significance.
- You only bring out the clear plastic Dixie cups for fancy occasions.
- You visit a friend’s house and worry that everything on the shelves will come crashing down when the boat heels.
- Getting the “heat” question for the 1,000th time drives you mad.
- Trying to find someone to sail away with you isn’t being romantic, it’s practical.
- Your first iPhone app was the Weather Channel.
- Your second was Tides app.
- Your homepage is the NOAA National Weather Service
- You’ve spent mornings standing in your underwear on the deck of someone else’s boat, adjusting halyards, lashing lines & freezing your ass off.
- You have given up trying to defend your lifestyle and are content with smugly thinking…..they don’t have a clue what they are missing.
- You have a clue what any of this means.